Aliens Among Us

"Excuse me kid, you're standing on my tractor beam."

Pop culture has led many to believe that there are definitely aliens from other worlds visiting our planet and occasionally taking some unlucky farmer away to perform unspeakable acts. Ever since the “breaking news” of a crashed UFO in Roswell, NM in the 1940’s there has been a craze that spans generations of movie-goers. We’ve seen then in the likes of black and white films, where the UFO’s were literal saucers hanging by a thread; all the way up to big budget Spielberg monstrosities that wreak havoc the world over.

I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to the subject of if we’re alone in the universe. I think science has a very long way to go before we can answer with any amount of certainty the age-old question. That being said, I was given solid evidence that we are not, in fact, alone. Case in point- Neftali Feliz.

It’s not enough that Neffy walked the bases loaded in the top half of the 9th inning, but then the unspeakable happened: Neftali Feliz gave up a grand slam, tieing the game 6-6 after we had the comfortable lead of 6-2. To add insult to injury, Neffy had even gotten the inning to two outs and even 2 strikes. That pitch was either going to win or lose the game. That one pitch determined the outcome of game two against the now 27-59 Orioles.

It’s kind of sad how an entire game can be summarized by a single throw of the ball; how Vlad’s 3 run homer that gave the soaked crowd something to be thankful they waited around until 9:30 to watch the game sort of becomes a foot-note. Even the surprise appearance of Chris Davis gets overshadowed by the grand slam, and for Baltimore- grand it was.

So the reason I think this all transpired is because the real Neftali Feliz, the one who throws fifteen pitches to end a game, was abducted by aliens and was unable to perform well tonight. I see no other explanation. The saddest part about it is that I love that guy. I think Neffy is a fantastic closer! When they get someone other than him to close out a game I grimace, wishing we had his focus and speed out there to win the Rangers another one.

So I’m sad. We’ve lost two games to Baltimore and we’re heading into the arguably more difficult second half of the season. We need all the wins we can get now before we start playing against the Yankees, Red Sox, and Angels in the next two months. Perhaps those aliens will give ol’ Neffy a break, and when we see him next he’ll rock everyone’s faces off like he usually does.

    • Smackattak
    • July 10th, 2010

    As a mariners fan I am obligated to hate the rangers with all that I am. That being said, I really do enjoy your writing. Keep up the good work.

  1. Smack, I think I’ll write up a post about the Mariners, what with the trade we just did and the fact that I have a deep-seeded hatred for Ichiro. 🙂

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