Getting on my Good Side


The fastest way to a man's heart is from just under the rib cage.

There are many ways to reach a man’s heart. Some will say things like beef, bacon, cheese burgers, and other assorted meats; while others will say football, baseball, basketball, hockey, or any other sport. Within each of those things are a pyramid of smaller things a woman can do to gain access to the cockles of our hearts, and even those have sub-areas in which to catch our fancy.

Up to this point, the male readers have only seen the words dealing with meat, sports, and the word “cockles,” simply because it’s a funny word. Hell, that’s the only reason I chose that word to type.

But anyhoo, men have a funny sense of boundaries when we choose to adhere to something like sports. Any change is either welcome entirely or completely shunned. Which brings me to the point of this post.

Bengie Molina was traded for pitcher Chris Ray and a couple Minor League guys. Because of that trade Max Ramirez went down to the Minors and Matt Treanor took backseat behind the plate. This came just after the Texas Rangers had their eleven game win streak, and though the Astros had broken that streak we still had some fight left in us. Changing what was a well oiled machine seemed to be the last thing the Rangers ought to do.

Up until the last few games I will openly admit to having trouble with Bengie Molina being on our team. We worked just fine, and even with a hit on his first at bat as a Ranger, I just didn’t like the guy. I still feel the same about Cliff Lee (gasp!) because frankly, I liked Justin Smoak! The flip side to that coin is that I really like Chris Davis, who took back his place at first base.

Back on target here, tonight I got the chance to watch the Texas Rangers in Boston to play game two. After a relatively boring first three innings the game was delayed for an hour because of the rain, but I had taken notice that Molina was trying to gain favor with me (everyone in the world, including Steve Jobs, reads my blog and wants to be on my good side). After the rain delay Molina did something I would not have ever guessed he would do. In the fifth inning he goes to the plate with loaded bases and accomplishes the unimaginable: he hit a grand slam straight to dead centerfield. It. Was. Awesome.

And to top it all off, in the eighth inning that mofo straight hit a triple, accomplishing another feat: he got himself a full cycle, hitting a single, double, triple, and home run in one game. This means that he is the fifth Texas Ranger to ever hit a full cycle, and only the ninth person in Major League history to do so with a grand slam as the home run portion of a full cycle.

Awesome.

Needless to say, Bengie Molina has now gained that special part of my heart, joining many other delectable in life; such as Dr Pepper, cherries, flan, French Dips, provolone cheese, steaks, Fogo de Chao, Call of Duty, beer, assorted candies, most fruits, high def. televisions, Garfield, racquetball, back scratches, taking things from small children, the smell of freshly cut grass in the summer, crab legs, ankle bracelets, French Stewart, songs that fade out instead of ending, iPhones, Xbox 360’s, potpourri, scented candles, leg warmers, The Doors, six-hour naps when you meant for only one, people of Walmart, massages, lying about being from out of the country for no reason and using a horrible fake accent but still getting away with it, Donnie Darko, crushing people’s heads with my fingers, and the music video for Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Perhaps I’ve said too much…

Anyhoo, I think it’s safe to say that I have a new respect for Bengi Molina and I am happy to have him on board. If he sucks the rest of the year then I’ll just have to change my mind. So suck it.

It’s nice to have more nice things to say about the Texas Rangers, and I hope that we can void out those four losses to the Baltimore Orioles by sweeping four games from the Red Sox. God knows we could use the wins! So until tomorrow, good night, and good luck.

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    • Chase
    • July 17th, 2010

    I have to admit that I started reading your blog because it was “the friend thing to do”, but I will fully express to anyone that listens that I completely and thoroughly enjoy all your posts! Except for taking things from small children, there is just no challenge in that. I urge you to try taking something from a large hairy NASCAR fan and running through the crowd before his back hair wraps around your ankles, dragging you back, screamiing and crying.

  1. Chase, I honestly appreciate you taking the time not only to read my crap posts, but to comment on it. Thanks. But you have to know that there is a certain amount of risk when taking things from small children. One being that you just don’t know where that kid has been. And if you’re taking something you assume to be edible, then it’s a huge risk that you might get the pig flu, the AIDS, or a strange craving for anything that smells of dirt and rotten fish. You just never know. But with the NASCAR guy that you mentioned, you know the risks, therefore it is less risky than taking a lollipop that may be anthrax ridden because the kid was a Russian spy. Or something.

  1. August 16th, 2010

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