101 Reasons to Love the 1990′s (40-21)
Further down the spiral (see what I did there?) of the 101 reasons to love the 1990’s.
40. The Blair Witch Project needlessly scared the shit out of everyone. Close ups of snot bubbles will do that.
39. Tom Cochran told us that “Life is a Highway” and that he wanted to “Ride it all night long.” I just wanted to type out “ride it all night long.”
38. Dolly the sheep was the worlds first recognized cloned mammal. So they can give old men hard-ons and they can clone sheep, but they can’t make me live forever?
37. Women everywhere swooned over Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. Men cheered when the friggin’ ship finally sunk. At least Kate Winslet showed her boobs, otherwise it was a waste of 6 hours of my life.
36. M.C. Hammer told us not to touch his shit. I bet he wishes he hadn’t said that now, because I don’t think anyone’s touched his shit in 15 years now.
35. Construction started in 1998 of the Internation Space Station. Upset astronauts discovered it doesn’t serve pancakes.
34. Nirvana essentially changed the face of music as we knew it. Too bad that birthed Bush, who in turn gave us Nickelback.
33. Chris Farley and David Spade made fifty movies together, every single one of them indistinguishable from the others.
32. Swing music and dancing made a huge comeback, even featured in movies like “The Mask” and “Swingers.” I admit that I still think it was awesome and listen to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and the Squirrel Nut Zippers, but damnit I can’t dance to save my life.
31. And speaking of dancing, “Achy Breaky Heart” came out in the 90’s, before Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter took over the world one tweeny girl at a time.
30. Forest Gump ruined the life of any girl named Jennifer.
29. Ween’s song “Push Th’ Little Daisies” came out. Confused people everywhere still listened to it.
28. Bill Clinton played the sax. It was cool.
27. Jurassic Park made us believe that Steven Spielberg could actually train dinosaurs to act. When asked how he did it he responded, “Easy, the same way we got Oprah to play the titular character in E.T. … candy.”
26. Lindsay Lohan wasn’t constantly in the news or in prison. That we know of.
25. Baywatch confirmed that slow motion + girls runningin swim suits = awesome.
24. Doom, made by id Software, was released and made us all a little sick to our stomachs, but not in the same way the movie version of Doom did.
23. Vanilla Ice rapped his way into the hearts of every American and then some. Then we all realized he sucked.
22. Baseball cards became very popluar again, the first time since the golden age of baseball. Coincidentally, the bubble gum in each pack of cards was made during the golden age of baseball.
21. Bo Jackson apparently knew everything. No one disagreed.
The last bit of the 101 reasons to love the 1990’s is just around the corner! Stay tuned!