Archive for the ‘ Rant ’ Category

How’s That?

I went grocery shopping and bought the usual crap. I also got a lot of veggies. Not because I eat a lot of veggies, but it makes me feel like the checkout person isn’t judging me as bad if I have veggies along with six gallons of ice cream and four cases – yes, cases – of hot pockets.

Anyhoo, the checkout guy has to look each veggie up and weigh them and whatnot. He picks up my two onions in a bag and begins to look at them like it was his first time to see a rubix cube. He was utterly perplexed.

He turns to me and says, “Are these onions?”

Me: “How’s that?”

Checkout Guy: “Huh?”

Me: “Yes. Those are onions.”

Checkout guy: “Oh.”

“Oh?” Really? Had he never in his life been witness to the wonders of an actual onion? These weren’t strange onions from another land or anything; I’d just picked them up about 20 yards away! They were totally normal onions in every sense that an onion can be normal!

Which brings me to the point of this post…

I always find it funny when people say, “How’s that?” when they didn’t quite hear you. I dunno why. It’s just amusing. Not like throwing-yogurt-out-your-window-while-driving-and-it-gets-on-your-face amusing, but more like when-an-Austrailian-person-speaks kinda amusing. Not that I have anything against Aussies. I think their accents are pretty sexy, actually. But it’s still amusing.



Busy, Busy, Busy

It feels like I haven’t written anything at all in ages, and judging by my posts it certainly looks that way, too. As some of you may or may not know, I recently became engaged to my girlfriend and that has brought on a whole new set of “boyfriend duties” that, frankly, I did not see coming.

To save myself the embarassment I won’t go into what all that includes, but suffice it to say that I don’t think I’ll have my balls back any time soon. Not that I had full custody before – I just simply renegotiated the terms of my joint custody of them and I came out on the short end of that stick. Insert joke here.

A lot else has happened since I last wrote here. My post on the Texas Rangers and The Claw/The Antlers gets a hell of a lot of visits from across the intertoobs. I don’t blame them, because I’m just that awesome.

In other news, I have discovered that the fabled Netflix app for the iPhone does exist, and I can’t say enough good things about it. It’s about frackin’ time, though, because I need to have even more of a distraction while I drive. Amiright? Am I the only one who watches Matlock while flippin’ people off for driving the speed limit?


The app is almost complete. By that I mean that it doesn’t allow you to put even more crap in your disc que, but that isn’t a total loss. I don’t even mess with my disc que anyway; I let my girlfriend -AHEM – I mean fiance have that to herself. Just like most everything else. She sends off for the most craptastic movies anyway, so I honestly don’t give a hoot.

What do you mean "Keep your eye on the ball?"

And speaking of craptastic movies, I started to watch Krull last week while visiting my fiance’s family in Austin. Some people canhandle crap movies for the sake of humor and I fancy myself one of those people. But there is nothing remotely even funny about Krull. I think I would rather stomp on my own face then watch that movie. I’ve swallowed back bile that is less offensive.

Other than that, the movie sucks.

I’ve downloaded a few new apps to review, so I figure I’ll get into that this weekend. But I do have one thing to report on the app ScanBizCards. I finally had an opportunity to use that app “in the field.” I went to a business expo and instead of asking people for their business cards I asked if they would mind me scanning their card right there. It was such a hit that several people took out their iPhones and bought the full version of it right there. If that’s not a good testimony for ScanBizCards then I don’t know what is.

So look for more Bubble Gum and Energy Drinks this weekend. I’ve tried to get a guest writer to review video games so you might see something new on that front some time soon.

I’ve left out the normal facebook and Twitter buttons, hoping that you’ll all notice the Digg, Like, and Share on Twitter buttons below. Feel free to share away!

Young People Scare Me

Today Beloit College released their Beliot College Mindset List for college grads in 2014. If you’re not familiar with the list, it’s basically crap that kids these days have or have not been familiar with during their lives based on their age.

Some of them make me cringe, others are dumb. But all told, it’s scary that some of them are probably very, very true.

Below is their list, found here.

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.

For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.”

4. Al Gore has always been animated.

5. Los Angelinos have always been trying to get along.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves “real” aliens from another planet.

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.

21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.

25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.

30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.

35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.”

38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.

41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.

48. Someone has always gotten married in space.

49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

51.  Food has always been irradiated.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he? 

54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.

57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife. 

58. Beethoven has always been a dog.

59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine. 

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.

67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court.

68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.

75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.

Feel free to click the Share Buttons below so you can make someone else feel as old as you feel right now.

A Few of my Favorite Things

I decided that I want to write a series of posts about a few of my favorite things. I have a lot of stuff that I just like a lot, and most of it there are reasons behind why I do. Then again, there are some things that there’s not a reason at all why I like it.

The first one I would like to talk about is Dr Pepper.

I love Dr Pepper.

A lot.

I love it enough to know that there is no period after the Dr part because of an old ad campaign that the period made it look strange so they took it out. The font was italicized and it made the top portion of the “r” look wierd, and it came out looking like “Di: Pepper”.

And though the name suggests it, there is no pepper in Dr Pepper. (Coincidentally, there is also no amount of doctor in Dr Pepper. Just sayin’.) Also, contrary to popular belief there are no prunes in Dr Pepper, but one of the ingredients called Propylene Glycol is used in laxatives. Propylene Glycol is used in many things; like cosmetics, food, tooth paste, mouth wash, electronic cigarettes, and bread sticks. Yummy!

Growing up in Texas gave me access to as much Dr Pepper as I could want. Business trips from Dallas to Austin or San Antonio are always fun because I get to stop in at the Dr Pepper museum in Waco, and I always get a Dr Pepper float. Perhaps that explains the expanding waistline. Or perhaps it’s the laziness. Probably the latter.

The story of Dr Pepper is riddled with Shakespearian drama. OK, so not really. But here is the story, directly from the museum’s site.

Charles Alderton, a young pharmacist working at Morrison’s store, is believed to be the inventor of the now famous drink. Alderton spent most of his time mixing up medicine for the people of Waco, but in his spare time he liked to serve carbonated drinks at the soda fountain. He liked the way the drug store smelled, with all of the fruit syrup flavor smells mixing together in the air. He decided to create a drink that tasted like that smell. He kept a journal, and after numerous experiments he finally hit upon a mixture of fruit syrups that he liked.

Yep. It's true.

To test his new drink, he first offered it to store owner Morrison, who also found it to his liking. After repeated sample testing by the two, Alderton was ready to offer his new drink to some of the fountain customers. They liked it as well. Other patrons at Morrison’s soda fountain soon learned of Alderton’s new drink and began ordering it by asking him to shoot them a “Waco.”

Morrison is credited with naming the drink “Dr. Pepper” (the period was dropped in the 1950s). Unfortunately, the origin for the name is unclear. The Museum has collected over a dozen different stories on how the drink became known as Dr Pepper.

Dr Pepper gained such widespread consumer favor that other soda fountain operators in Waco began buying the syrup from Morrison and serving it. This soon presented a problem for Alderton and Morrison. They could no longer produce enough at their fountain to supply the demand.

Robert S. Lazenby, a young beverage chemist, had also tasted the new drink and he, too, was impressed. Alderton, the inventor, was primarily interested in pharmacy work and had no designs on the drink. He suggested that Morrison and Lazenby develop it further.

Morrison and Lazenby were impressed with the growth of Dr Pepper. In 1891, they formed a new firm, the Artesian Mfg. & Bottling Company, which later became Dr Pepper Company. Lazenby and his son-in-law, J.B. O’Hara moved the company from Waco to Dallas in 1923.

In 1904, Lazenby and O’Hara introduced Dr Pepper to almost 20 million people attending the 1904 World’s Fair Exposition in St. Louis. The exposition was the setting for more than one major product debut. Hamburgers and frankfurters were first served on buns at the exposition, and the ice cream cone was first served in large numbers.

From 1910 to 1914, Dr Pepper was identified with the slogan, “King of Beverages.” “Old Doc,” a typical country doctor character with monocle and top hat, became the Dr Pepper trademark character in the 1920s and 1930s. During that era, research was discovered proving that sugar provided energy and that the average person experiences a letdown during the normal day at 10:30a.m., 2:30p.m. and 4:30p.m. A contest was held for the creation of an ad using this new information. The winner of the ad campaign came up with the famous advertising slogan, “Drink a bite to eat at 10, 2, and 4.” Dr Pepper’s slogan in the 1950s was “the friendly Pepper-Upper,” which led the brand into the 1960s when it became associated with rock and roll music and on Dick Clark’s American Bandstand TV show.

With changing times came changing slogans. To broaden its appeal across the nation, Dr Pepper hailed itself as “the most misunderstood soft drink,” and then in the 1970s became “the most original soft drink ever in the whole wide world.” In 1977, Dr Pepper advertising was marked by the famous “Be a Pepper” campaign, followed by “Be You.” The newest slogan out today is “There’s just more to it,” which coordinates with the emphasis on the 23 fruit flavors that give Dr Pepper its unique taste.

That’s probably way more than anyone reading this ever cared to know, but there it is.

This is in my office at work.

My passion for the awesomeness has been a long endeavor. I was co-editor of my school’s yearbook one year and I secretly placed cut out pictures of Dr Pepper cans throughout the book, including one page which featured them heavily. This love affair with Dr Pepper has had its ups and downs, but the love remains. Kinda sounds a little creepy when I put it that way. But whatever; I love it.

So suck it.

I’d like to point out a few things about Dr Pepper that I think non Dr Pepper lovers don’t realize:

If I go to a restaurant and order my Dr Pepper and you don’t have it because you have Mr.Pibb; effen tell me because they ARE NOT THE SAME! I can tell! Mr. Pibb taste like it has been poured through a vat of sugar before leaving the fountain. It’s nasty.

A “Flaming Dr Pepper” actually taste more like RC Cola. For those who don’t know what a Flaming Dr Pepper is: it’s a shot of Amaretto topped with 151 rum. Then it’s set on fire. Then you drop it in half a pint of beer and chug it. It’s really good but it doesn’t taste like Dr Pepper. And I should know.

And lastly, here is an incomplete list of sodas that try to be like Dr Pepper, but inevitably fall short.

Mr. Pibb
Dr. Becker
Dr. Rocket
Doc Shasta
Dr. Smooth
Dr. Slice
Dr. Right
Dr. Fizz
Dr. Topper
Dr. Choice
Dr. Parker
Dr. Randall
Dr. Starr
Dr. Zeppa
Dr. A+
Dr. Chek
Mr. Aahh
Dr. B
Dr. Bold
Dr. Skipper
Dr. Thunder
Dr. Rush

So, as you can see there are a lot of imitators out there. Good for them, but I bet they all taste like… well… something nasty. I hope you learned something about yourself today, because I wasn’t going to teach it to you.

Handy HTML for Users

So it took me about an hour to figure out how to do something that I figured would have been easier than it turned out to be for me. I wanted to simply put a “Share on facebook” and “Share on Twitter” button at the end of a post, hoping that people will click them to spread my posts around the intertoobs.

Aparently it isn’t as easy as I thought it would be, but I finally got it worked out. While I was looking for a solution I noticed that I am by far not the only person trying to do this on So I decided that I would share (see what I did there?) with the masses the easy way to get that done. It will require a little work on your end but it gets the job done. If there is an easier way to do this without having to have Fire Fox or something, please let me know.

You’ll need to visit a couple of sites. is one, and another is Keep them open on separate tabs while you do this to make it easier.

Here is the code we will be using:

<a href=
src=”[URL OF IMAGE TO CLICK]”></a> <a href=” OF BLOG POST + SHORTENED LINK]”><img

Copy the code above and paste it a couple lines after your post is finished.

First off, let’s deal with the images that people will see and click. You can easily find some on and use the direct link to the image. When you find an image you like then click on it and it will list different ways to share it. Copy the Direct Link line. I saved the facebook and Twitter images to my album there so I don’t have to worry about the images being deleted by the original owner. If that were to happen then the image would not display.

You will only be replacing the CAPS information, and you will also get rid of the brackets after replacing text. Starting from the top with the facebook sharing:

[URL YOU WANT TO SHARE] = the URL of your blog post. The URL of your post can be found below the title when you’re editing your post.
[URL OF IMAGE TO CLICK] = the direct link to the picture from photobucket being used to click on.

With the Twitter share:

[NAME OF BLOG POST + SHORTENED LINK] = The blog entry’s title followed by a space. Then shorten the URL to that entry (the same one as above in the facebook URL you want to share) by pasting the URL of it into a site like and paste the new, shorter URL after the title. Be sure to put a space between your title and the new URL.
[URL OF IMAGE TO CLICK] = the direct link to the picture being used to click on.

Again, get rid of the [brackets] in the above info. Once you’ve done that people should see the Share on facebook or Twitter pictures and when they click it then it will take them to their respective sites to repost.

If this was helpful I humbly ask you to try out my Share buttons below to spread the word.

Business Ethics, Integrity, and Such

Hurry up and tell me where to meet for beers! I only have this much battery left on my phone!

Recently I had the pleasure of having discussions with a particular businessman from New York, and he reaffirmed my faith in business ethics, respect, integrity, and how to treat people. It’s not exactly rare, but it’s farther in between than, say, a decade ago. And I’m sure there are reasons for that.

If you think about where you were, business-wise, ten years ago and compare it to the technological advantages we have today then you will see how a paradox has been created: The closer we get through our smart phones and laptops, the further away we’ve drifted from each other in person. We now live in a world of me, me, me. Ugh.

Now, I know a lot of people and, frankly, I don’t care to see them all the time in person. Some of them just annoy me and others just smell like updog (Think on that for a moment…). I’m not suggesting that constant personal interaction is something that is 100% necessary; it’s just lacking.

That’s not, however, the point of this entry. My point is that because of the personal separation that technology creates we tend to treat people differently than we used to. At least that’s how it comes across to me. That treatment is all too important to some people, and I am one of them. I work in sales and I have certain expectations of myself when I deal with people, which is very often. I deal with peons and decision makers alike, but I treat them all the same: with respect.

When you come across a company that treats you like a human being then you remember them, don’t you? If you went into a clothing store and the counter person didn’t even look at you when you asked a question about their store, you might feel a little put out and might not go back there. Likewise, if that counter person came to you and asked you a question, like if you’re finding everything alright, then afford them the same courtesy you’d expect from them!

It really is that simple, folks.

I'm the most important person on the planet!

I used to work in the restaurant industry. I waited table, washed dishes, and managed a restaurant that was owned by an international company. I saw a lot of assholes in my time. I think that people who are assholes are drawn to restaurants- like it’s their Mecca or something. They need to go out and be a prick to as many people as they can. They feed on it. (see what I did there?) However, those experiences reinforced my belief that you take care of people and treat them with respect.

One day I was yelled at by a woman who I refused to serve alcohol to because she didn’t have her ID with her. I’m sorry, but that’s not my fault you’re too stupid to keep it in your damn wallet. If I were to be caught serving anyone without an ID then I would go to jail. Let see… serve you alcohol and possibly go to jail…. or don’t serve you alcohol and for sure don’t go to jail… tough call… . But that lady wasn’t having it from me. She yelled at me and belittled me. I returned the favor by smiling at her the whole time, which pissed her off even more. What was she going to tell my boss? That I smiled at her and she was offended? Bitch.

I have been on the flip side of that situation. I forgot my ID once and went out for a drink. The server refused to serve me and I told them that I appreciate their work ethic. Needless to say I got a strange look from them, as though they expected me to go off and put my head through a wall or something. Nope. Not this guy. Because having my ID is my responsibility and the server was just doing their job.

No, no. You need it more than me. Get rid of the leg warmers. It's 2010, lady, not 1991.

Let me explain something to you folks reading this. Be appreciative. When someone does something for you- I don’t care if it’s simply holding a door open for you- say thank you and smile. It doesn’t hurt. It won’t give you asshole cancer or anything. And if it does then I would bet it was a preexisting condition caused by being an asshole before. *asshole cancer, in itself,  is not funny*

Be courteous. Hold the door open for someone sometime. Get that grocery cart out of the stack for the old lady struggling with them. Simply smile and nod at a person as they walk past you. Be kind to your server when you go out to eat. Send thank you notes, emails, letters, or texts to those who are kind to you. Use your turn signal. Wave and smile  at a cop while driving down the street instead of slamming your breaks. Tell your significant other how beautiful they are and that you love them. Hug your kids twice as often.

It’s a bullshit world out there with a lot of bullshit people. That isn’t a free pass to join them, it is a reason to be different from them. If you work for a company that people talk about then look yourself up on the internet. Find out who’s talking about you and thank them for the compliments or use the insults as a learning experience. If you do that people will recognize your business ethics and start to tell other people about it.

And because of that, I will end this rant with a recommendation for ScanBizCards. Check out their website, and if you have an iPhone then look up their app. I wrote a full review of their app and they were kind enough to respond with kind words on my piddly little blog. Now that’s being appreciative, so I will return the respect with a lengthy and public thank you note to them.

Now, everyone go forth and be prosperous.

101 Reasons to Love the 1990′s (20-1)

So we’ve made it to the final portion of the 101 reasons to love the 1990’s! Again, this really isn’t in any particular order…

20. The Wonderbra was reintroduced in 1994, lying to every boy in junior and high school.

I'm tellin' you, Charlies are everywhere!

19. The Crow. Nuff said.

18. Meg Ryan was still human.

17. MTV still played music videos. In return, music videos didn’t cost millions upon millions of dollars to make. They were shit. And they were good.

16. Cell phones began to look like they couldn’t call in an airstrike.

15. Comet Shoemaker Levy hit Jupiter in 1994, giving a spectacle to astonomers all over the place. I only know that because I watched the science channel last week.


14. 10-10-220 commercials. If you don’t know what those are, be very, very thankful.

13. Korn’s first three albums dropped in the 1990’s, causing needless confusion between a vegetable and a gutteral rock band.

12. The Fifth Element was released in 1997. Leeloo’s full name? Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat

11. Andy Dufresne taught us that if you’re going to be wrongfully imprisoned, ask Morgan Freeman for a Rita Hayworth poster.

10. Jacob Dylan proved that, while he could sing better than his dad, he couldn’t write more than two decent songs.

'Cause when a girl walks in...

9. Hip Hop took a turn for the silly in the early 90’s. Groups like Sir Mix-A-Lot and The Fresh Prince made hip hop not only fun, but anatomically educational.

8. Iconic shows in the 90’s ruled the world like Dinosaurs, Step by Step, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Full House, News Radio, Just Shoot Me, The Kids in the Hall, MST3000, Married… With Children, Seinfeld, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Fresh Prince, Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper, Mad About You, Ellen, Saved by the Bell, and Roseanne. But no one can erase the memory of Blossom. So I aopologize for that show.

7. All someone had to do to become a famous rock star was grow their hair long, never wash it, and scream. Nowadays they make you put a little effort into your messy hair, but hey, talent isn’t a requirement.

Shaw, right. And monkey might fly out my butt.

6. Wayne’s World. Party on.

5. The reintroduction of the VW Beetle in the late 90’s, and it still looks dumb.

4. Counting down in 1999 everything that was going to be “the last time I __________ in this millenium.” (Followed by things like, “Man, I haven’t taken a dump since the last millenium!” Terrible.)

3. All of the movies of the 1990’s like PCU could beat up movies from the 2000’s like Van Wilder: Freshman Year any day. Except for House Party 2 and Godzilla.

2. Parachute pants: because you never know when you’ll be sucked out of an airplane without an actual parachute and you wanna live to see another horribly dressed day.

1. Rock music was actually good. After suffering through the 80’s glam crap that made everyone’s ears bleed, it was nice to have actual good music. Some of the best music to come from the rock genre were written during that time, but then, some of the worst music (I’m looking at you Bjork) also came out.

Well that’s it! Thanks for taking that trip down memory lane with me! Again, I’d love to hear some of your favorite, or worst, memories from the 1990’s. Feel free to repost on facebook or twitter…

Henry. Out.

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