Posts Tagged ‘ Humor ’

Young People Scare Me


Today Beloit College released their Beliot College Mindset List for college grads in 2014. If you’re not familiar with the list, it’s basically crap that kids these days have or have not been familiar with during their lives based on their age.

Some of them make me cringe, others are dumb. But all told, it’s scary that some of them are probably very, very true.

Below is their list, found here.

Most students entering college for the first time this fall—the Class of 2014—were born in 1992.

For these students, Benny Hill, Sam Kinison, Sam Walton, Bert Parks and Tony Perkins have always been dead.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

2. Email is just too slow, and they seldom if ever use snail mail.

3. “Go West, Young College Grad” has always implied “and don’t stop until you get to Asia…and learn Chinese along the way.”

4. Al Gore has always been animated.

5. Los Angelinos have always been trying to get along.

6. Buffy has always been meeting her obligations to hunt down Lothos and the other blood-suckers at Hemery High.

7. “Caramel macchiato” and “venti half-caf vanilla latte” have always been street corner lingo.

8. With increasing numbers of ramps, Braille signs, and handicapped parking spaces, the world has always been trying harder to accommodate people with disabilities.

9. Had it remained operational, the villainous computer HAL could be their college classmate this fall, but they have a better chance of running into Miley Cyrus’s folks on Parents’ Weekend.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves “real” aliens from another planet.

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

12. Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

13. Parents and teachers feared that Beavis and Butt-head might be the voice of a lost generation.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

17. Trading Chocolate the Moose for Patti the Platypus helped build their Beanie Baby collection.

18. Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.

21. Woody Allen, whose heart has wanted what it wanted, has always been with Soon-Yi Previn.

22. Cross-burning has always been deemed protected speech.

23. Leasing has always allowed the folks to upgrade their tastes in cars.

24. “Cop Killer” by rapper Ice-T has never been available on a recording.

25. Leno and Letterman have always been trading insults on opposing networks.

26. Unless they found one in their grandparents’ closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

29. Reggie Jackson has always been enshrined in Cooperstown.

30. “Viewer Discretion” has always been an available warning on TV shows.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

33. Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

34. “Assisted Living” has always been replacing nursing homes, while Hospice has always been an alternative to hospitals.

35. Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

36. Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

37. Whatever their parents may have thought about the year they were born, Queen Elizabeth declared it an “Annus Horribilis.”

38. Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino’s have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

40. There have always been HIV positive athletes in the Olympics.

41. American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

44. The dominance of television news by the three networks passed while they were still in their cribs.

45. They have always had a chance to do community service with local and federal programs to earn money for college.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

47. Children have always been trying to divorce their parents.

48. Someone has always gotten married in space.

49. While they were babbling in strollers, there was already a female Poet Laureate of the United States.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

51.  Food has always been irradiated.

52. There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

53. J.R. Ewing has always been dead and gone. Hasn’t he? 

54. The historic bridge at Mostar in Bosnia has always been a copy.

55. Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

56. They may have assumed that parents’ complaints about Black Monday had to do with punk rockers from L.A., not Wall Street.

57. A purple dinosaur has always supplanted Barney Google and Barney Fife. 

58. Beethoven has always been a dog.

59. By the time their folks might have noticed Coca Cola’s new Tab Clear, it was gone.

60. Walmart has never sold handguns over the counter in the lower 48.

61. Presidential appointees have always been required to be more precise about paying their nannies’ withholding tax, or else.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine. 

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.

67. Ruth Bader Ginsburg has always sat on the Supreme Court.

68. They have never worried about a Russian missile strike on the U.S.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

70. The artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg has always been rapping.

71. The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

72. One way or another, “It’s the economy, stupid” and always has been.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

74. They’ve always been able to blast off with the Sci-Fi Channel.

75. Honda has always been a major competitor on Memorial Day at Indianapolis.

Feel free to click the Share Buttons below so you can make someone else feel as old as you feel right now.

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iPhone App Review – Call of Atlantis


Trippy

I’m one of those people who isn’t very easy to please when it comes to playing games on the iPhone. Sure, I love Angry Birds and Words With Friends (who doesn’t?!) but otherwise it takes a lot for me to actually download a game from the App Store and enjoy it.

Most games I come across have zombies or some other boring crap that just makes me wonder why people love that stuff so much. I did love Nazi Zombies in Call of Duty: World at War, but that’s about it when it comes to that sort of thing. That’s not to say that there aren’t decent games on the iPhone or that the ones I just mentioned are bad, I just don’t care for them most of the time.

One of the games I’ve been wanting for a long time is a decent Jewel Quest type game. Sure I have Bejeweled and there are plenty of match three games out there, but none as good as Jewel Quest. And to make something clear, I know there’s a Jewel Quest game on the iPhone but it’s just not the same. There’s something about it that just bugs me.

So it’s a catch 22 for me. I want my cake and I wanna eat it. Just look at my fat pants. But then I was searching through Pandora Box (another app I’ve had since I got my first iPhone, and I love it!) I found a free app called Call of Atlantis that is a match three game. I was skeptical, but decided to give it a go.

Yup. That's me.

I was first taken by surprise by the beautiful look of the game. Usually free games have a cheesy Windows 95 kind of look to them; but not this one! The graphics are stunning and the sound matches right along. There are brief “cut scenes” which have a real voice over; a very nice touch. And another feature is to follow along the path of a symbol with your finger. It makes you feel like you’re actually doing something and involved with the game rather than simply a spectator to it.

Once you get past those parts it time for the match three game. The pieces look amazing on my iPhone 4 and the music/sound fx are just about perfect. While the music is very well done it does tend to get repetitive, and after a while it annoys me because I can’t help but hum along.

Not yo mamma's match three game. Ok, so it is.

Unlike Bejeweled and Jewel Quest the object of Call of Atlantis is to get pieces of an artifact off the grid within a certain amount of time, which varies with each puzzle. Along with the artifacts are helpful “weapons” (my word, not the game’s) that do a variety of things. A bomb, for instance, rids a small area of the grid for you, while a lightening bolt destroys all of one kind of piece on the grid of your choice. They come in handy every so often, but overall they’re not really a necessity.

Instead of the wild jungles of Africa or the sands of Egypt, this game starts you off in ancient Rome. The artifact pieces that you collect throughout a single puzzle make a whole artifact, and after you complete a certain amount of puzzles then a mini game starts where you place those artifacts into a scene where they belong. Sounds kinda boring, but it’s actually quite satisfying.

Unlock the symbols. Or something.

I haven’t beaten the game yet, but I find myself going to this game more often than the others that I own now. For the price of zero you get a game that easily could sell in the App Store for $1.99 or more. If you like match three games at all then you need to check this one out before the makers, Playrix, find out that they can charge for an iPhone/iPod game, especially one of this calibre.

If you don’t like it then you’re out nothing, and that’s the beauty of it. I felt like I ripped them off by liking it so much and not paying for a full game. The inclusion of facebook integration alone should make this a paid app, but I’ll count my blessings in pennies saved. Call of Atlantis is sure to get up to the top of the list in the App Store, and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if they started charging for it one day, because they should. They’d make a lot of money.

So click the “Share” buttons below to tell all your friends on Twitter and facebook, go to the App Store, and download this app. It’s fantastic! So suck it.

EDIT: Just read that this is a paid app, but it free for a limited time. Better get it while you can!

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