Posts Tagged ‘ Mike Myers ’

101 Reasons to Love the 1990′s (20-1)


So we’ve made it to the final portion of the 101 reasons to love the 1990’s! Again, this really isn’t in any particular order…

20. The Wonderbra was reintroduced in 1994, lying to every boy in junior and high school.

I'm tellin' you, Charlies are everywhere!

19. The Crow. Nuff said.

18. Meg Ryan was still human.

17. MTV still played music videos. In return, music videos didn’t cost millions upon millions of dollars to make. They were shit. And they were good.

16. Cell phones began to look like they couldn’t call in an airstrike.

15. Comet Shoemaker Levy hit Jupiter in 1994, giving a spectacle to astonomers all over the place. I only know that because I watched the science channel last week.

Unbelieeeeeeevable!

14. 10-10-220 commercials. If you don’t know what those are, be very, very thankful.

13. Korn’s first three albums dropped in the 1990’s, causing needless confusion between a vegetable and a gutteral rock band.

12. The Fifth Element was released in 1997. Leeloo’s full name? Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat De Sebat

11. Andy Dufresne taught us that if you’re going to be wrongfully imprisoned, ask Morgan Freeman for a Rita Hayworth poster.

10. Jacob Dylan proved that, while he could sing better than his dad, he couldn’t write more than two decent songs.

'Cause when a girl walks in...

9. Hip Hop took a turn for the silly in the early 90’s. Groups like Sir Mix-A-Lot and The Fresh Prince made hip hop not only fun, but anatomically educational.

8. Iconic shows in the 90’s ruled the world like Dinosaurs, Step by Step, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Full House, News Radio, Just Shoot Me, The Kids in the Hall, MST3000, Married… With Children, Seinfeld, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Fresh Prince, Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper, Mad About You, Ellen, Saved by the Bell, and Roseanne. But no one can erase the memory of Blossom. So I aopologize for that show.

7. All someone had to do to become a famous rock star was grow their hair long, never wash it, and scream. Nowadays they make you put a little effort into your messy hair, but hey, talent isn’t a requirement.

Shaw, right. And monkey might fly out my butt.

6. Wayne’s World. Party on.

5. The reintroduction of the VW Beetle in the late 90’s, and it still looks dumb.

4. Counting down in 1999 everything that was going to be “the last time I __________ in this millenium.” (Followed by things like, “Man, I haven’t taken a dump since the last millenium!” Terrible.)

3. All of the movies of the 1990’s like PCU could beat up movies from the 2000’s like Van Wilder: Freshman Year any day. Except for House Party 2 and Godzilla.

2. Parachute pants: because you never know when you’ll be sucked out of an airplane without an actual parachute and you wanna live to see another horribly dressed day.

1. Rock music was actually good. After suffering through the 80’s glam crap that made everyone’s ears bleed, it was nice to have actual good music. Some of the best music to come from the rock genre were written during that time, but then, some of the worst music (I’m looking at you Bjork) also came out.

Well that’s it! Thanks for taking that trip down memory lane with me! Again, I’d love to hear some of your favorite, or worst, memories from the 1990’s. Feel free to repost on facebook or twitter…

Henry. Out.

Advertisements

101 Reasons to Love the 1990′s (60-41)


Continuing with the countdown. Again, this isn’t really in any particular order. So suck it.

60. Waco, TX became known as “Wack-O, TX” because of David Koresh and his Branch Davidians in 1993.

59. Saturday Night Live was funny on purpose.

We all laugh, but he gets to sleep with Mila Kunis. Asshole.

58. “Home Alone” was one of the biggest family movies of all time, and every boy wanted his family to disappear over Christmas so he could thwart a midget and a dumb-ass from breaking into their home, too.

57. Pearl Jam’s first album, Ten, was released, correctly predicting the number of good songs they would write in the next twenty years.

56. Austin Powers shagged his way into everyday lingo, baby. Yeah.

55. Everyone liked Steve Urkel. Black, White, Asian, Mexican- everyone. But real life nerds lacked his “Cool Juice” and “Boss Sauce” so they couldn’t make a cooler clone to win over their pretty neighbors.

54. Michael Jackson was still alive and kickin’, and his music had improved a little. But it still sucked.

53. AOL sent out millions of disks with free hours of internet access. Many were used as coasters because, let’s face it, the internet is the devil.

Damnit, who keeps paging me from 531-8008?!?

52. Denis Leary released “No Cure for Cancer.” That dude is still alive and making fun of people. I gotta meet his doctor.

51. The Doors biopic by Oliver Stone is released on the 20th anniversary of Jim Morrison’s supposed death. That was about the only thing he got right. 

50. The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time is released and hailed, even to this day, as one of the best video games ever created. Having spent countless hours playing that game personally, I can attest to its awesomeness.

49. Ross Perot. That writes its own jokes.

48. Dana Carvey had a career.

47. Baggy jeans were where it was at. The baggier the jeans, the cooler. If you looked like you could easily smuggle people into the country then you were doing it right.

Nothing says 12th century England like a Bryan Adams soundtrack.

46. Alice in Chains released “Dirt,” one of the most complete albums of the 1990’s.

45. “Hey, you gotta quarter?” “Yeah, why?” “Oh, I just got a page and I gotta call the number back to see what they want.” “Sweet. Nobody pages me except my mom.”

44. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves ended up being funnier than Robin Hood: Men in Tights, but not on purpose.

43. The first MP3 player was introduced in 1998 and had 32Mb of memory, expandible to 64Mb. Nowadays we can store all of our Spice Girls albums on our 32Gb iPods.

42. DVD’s came out to the market, costing an average of about $30 per movie. Lucklily companies made the dual video cassette/DVD players for those with huge porn collections that didn’t want to upgrade.

41. Everyone learned the Macarena. It was even taught in schools. What the hell, America?

OK, so I’m releasing these lists sooner than once per day, but I wanted to get them out there. So suck it.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: